What I want to be when I grow up....

More Random thoughts...
As always... I ponder what it is I want/should be doing in my life..  There are always good intentions and ideas flowing through my head.  I have really considered alot of things since the passing of my good friend, Cathy.  Thinking I should not be wasting time.  Time is too precious to waste.  I feel like so much of my time is wasted.. Not really wasted..I guess.. But not being productive enough as I know that I can be.   I have thoughts of writing a book.  I have alot to say.  :)  I write alot of poetry.  But I guess I want more than just that.  Then I think of my art...in the form of painting.  The earthquake in haiti has made me feel so inadequate...I sent a donation..but I still feel I could do so much more.  The question of course is what can I do?  There again alot of idea go through my head...but to put it actually into action is another thing altogether.  Maybe I am worried that it won't be good enough.  Or that maybe it might not get the results I hope for, so therefore I don't...? 
Who knows.  At least for now maybe by writing down these thoughts and the doubts and all that goes with accomplishing or the lack of..It may help?  Maybe.  :)
Anyhow..
Peace be with you and yours...
I hope that YOU find whatever it is you should be doing in your life..and that it makes you feel complete.
I hope for myself the same thing..
That I can figure out exactly what it is that "I want to be when I grow up."  

Sunshine on my shoulders...

Makes me happy......

Haiti

I am so sad for the people of Haiti..How devastating that must be..I cannot even begin to comprehend.
Sadness beyond words.

Head West Dear lady...

I am at the Columbus International Airport awaiting my flight to Pheonix then on to San Jose California.
I am sad to be leaving my family behind..we had an awesome Christmas however and for every day I was there with them..I am thankful.  I'll be back soon!  Spring time I am thinking...When the birds begin to sing and the snow has melted :)
I am excited to be traveling home (to my West Coast Home) with my husband, Charlie by my side.
Its nice to travel with someone ..its been awhile :)
Looking forward to getting home seeing some friends, I know I will miss my dear friend Cathy not being there to welcome me home with one of her BEAR hugs...But I'll be glad to see everyone else..and all of my sweet cats and kittens...and my dogs too.
Lots of things I am excited about..Taking better care of myself...being more active and alot more creative...working on the house...getting some things accomplished that have been on the back burner for way too long.
Charlies work is much better so I am hoping and praying that 2010 will be a very good year for us..and for our families.
Hope it brings about much happiness for all of my friends as well...and even those who are not my friends...wishing much goodness for you the new year.
Peace, love and happines...
to you all..
Tambra.

grand kids and snow cream

All I gotta say is...mmmm.. we made some snow angels..took some pictures..which I will post later :)
Gathered some fresh snow and then came in ...shook off some snow and made good ole' fashioned snow cream like my mama and daddy grew up on...and my grandma always made..alittle snow, a can of evaporated milk (carnation of course) a little vanilla and some sugar. ...let the grand daughters mix it up..and listen to them brag about how delicious it is :)
Life even in the cold snowiest of days...is delicious!  Now we are sitting around drinking hot tea and coffee..and enjoying the evening.
I love snow days :)

Purpose

So many things happen as one goes throughout life, that sometimes..no many times there are questions as to wether or not you are in the right place, doing the right thing or maybe not. 
Your head can be spinning with all the thoughts of "what ifs" that sometimes your path in life is simply not very clear.
Then there may be some small change...or even something quite dramatic that happens and the "fog" that surrounded your life suddenly lifts and the path is cleared.  You can begin to see the reason of your being.  The questions that you once had somehow fade and the pieces of lifes puzzle quietly settle into place.
    The death of a loved one can sometimes have that type of effect on our life.  They feel you heart and soul with so much emotion and sometimes stripping bear our own insecurities and feelings that we take a closer look at how we are living our life and what our purpose is in the "big picture" so to speak.

I know that losing a close friend of mine recently caused me to look at my own life and come to several conclusions to some thoughts I have had in the past few years.
Questions I had asked..as I moved almost 3,000 miles from my family.. 
1.)  Am I where I should be in my life? 
Simple enough question ..yet not always an easy answer.  My answer now is "yes". 
Only due to the fact that i was here for my freind at her greatest time of need.  If nothing else but to let her know that she was indeed loved and that she had an impact on my life. Not that I was some saviour or anything so dynamical..but that I was just a friend who was here when she needed one at the right time and place. 
 Which brought me to my next question..
2.)  Are you aprreciative of the one you have chosen to be with  and happy/content with your relationship  ie: my husband?  The answer yes.  Sometimes just like a child when things are taken away..only then do you appreciate those things that you have had.  I know how quickly my freind had been taken. Which was within 3 months time..that that is how fast your entire life can change.  I looked closely at my relationship and knew with all of my heart and soul..this man was the one for me..he is the one I want by my side if ever I had to go through what my friend went through..   She even told me that in her hospital room after her cancer diagnosis.  She and I were talking..and she said to a nurse "She has a keeper..he is quite a man".. I agreed..I have a good one indeed.
I love him.
3.)  Do I have a purpose in Life?  Of course I do.. Just as my friend Cathy lived and died..she had a purpose.
She was here for her boyfriend and taught him and everyone around her about strength and love.  Like  a ray of sunshine..even on her darkest days as she struggled with the cancer and I am sure she felt like it was not real..as she mentioned to me.. "I cannot believe this is happening to me"...just 12 days before her death...She was still concerned with everyone around her.  She still worried about my husbands work..and if we were doing okay..
That was beyond being strong in my eyes.  She was amazing.
She taught me that there are things that are truly important in this life...that we all have a purpose..and maybe we will not even know that purppose..but someone whom we have met..or shared our life with will know what it is..
That alone is a good thing.  Something each of us should carry in our hearts..Although we may have questions and that we may not know what it is we are meant to do in our lives..
The pieces of our life will fall  into place..
and it wil be there..
If not for you..for someone who knew of  you :)  And that is worth something.

countdown

Til I see my baby. I miss him so much.
Tomorrow by this time I should be with him...Im so excited..
We have known each other for 9 years...married for almost 8 and Im still so in love :)

Fish

Snow Snow Snow.

Sooo much snow here..
Its been awhile since I seen so much snow.  Today schools were either delayed or closed because the roads were so bad.
Its really beautiful if you don't have to drive in it..
I am waiting on my Charlie to come tomorrow! Yayyy!  I cannot wait. I hope he has a safe flight into Ohio. Going thru Phoenix so that should be okay..
I miss him.. I have been In Ohio since the 13th of Dec.  He will be here with me until Monday evening and then we fly home together ..I am happy happy! 
I feel like a little girl waiting on Santa Clause  (smile)  !
Counting down the hours till he gets here...
I sure do miss him.  SO MUCH!  Its always bittersweet ...leaving. I am anxious to get home and do the things one does at home.. yet leaving is always hard.  Too bad I can't clone me so I can be in both places..  Altho Charlie may have different thoughts on that idea...
lol.
Wherever you are today if you are in the snow and cold...be safe..drive carefully.. shovel a driveway or sweep snow for someone who can't?  Make a snowangel... bake cookies... share some :) with a friend or neighbor...check on someone who can't get out..make sure they are warm and healthy..and taken care of.

Take care of you and each other..
Lots of love and blessings your way
Tambra.

The Chosen

I stood by and watched you die
Why I was chosen I don't know why.
My heart breaks but yet it still does beat
I will see this through,  as a blessing complete.

This hurdle in life will/must make me strong
God knows why and He can't be wrong
Why my shoulders this sad task has been placed
Steady tears still fall but there is  no time to waste.

He wraps His arms around me ever so tight
And leads me through the darkest of night..
I know that alone He will never leave me..
He carries me down the paths that I cannot see..

He may choose you or I to ease anothers pain,
We may not understand or see what is to gain...
If one person you can help to lighten  heart or soul...
A chosen gift from God  that is worth more than gold.

Happy New Year.

Well...the year of 2009 was a great year in many ways..and ended sadly losing my best girl in Cali..Cathy. I miss you girl.
However the year 2010 started amazingly well.. First I spent it with family.  New Years Eve was spent in Ohio with my daughter Hollie, her hubby Jake and daughter Whitney,  My other daughter Sarah stopped in for a visit with her hubby Barry.  At Midnight a few phone calls to my sweet husband Charlie in Cali. and my parents to wish them a Happy New Year.  New Years day was spent with my sister Ginger and her family, at my parents for BBQ baby back Ribs dinner...green beans,  and  yummy saurkraut..and YES people really do eat saurkraut.. It supposedly brings you luck for New Years.and Im not taking any chances....
Charlie will be flying out here to spend  a few days here with me and my family..which I am THRILLED about.  Its been awhile since we had Ohio time...together.  My family is looking forward to it as well.  He doesn't get the chance to get away very often.  Work has been good lately so hopefully this is something that will continue for the New year as well.  God Knows HE deserves it..Hes a hard worker and so dedicated to his family..and to me...and to helping just about anyone that needs help. 
Hes a good man.
And...I am blessed.  :) in soo many ways.

Wishing you all a New Year..May it be prosperous and bring you lots of blessings, love and peace.
Tambra.