Wednesday, January 6, 2010


So many things happen as one goes throughout life, that many times there are questions as to wether or not you are in the right place, doing the right thing or maybe not. 
Your head can be spinning with all the thoughts of "what ifs" that sometimes your path in life is simply not very clear.
Then there may be some small change...or even something quite dramatic that happens and the "fog" that surrounded your life suddenly lifts and the path is cleared.  You can begin to see the reason of your being.  The questions that you once had somehow fade and the pieces of lifes puzzle quietly settle into place.
    The death of a loved one can sometimes have that type of effect on our life.  They feel you heart and soul with so much emotion and sometimes stripping bear our own insecurities and feelings that we take a closer look at how we are living our life and what our purpose is in the "big picture" so to speak.

I know that losing a close friend of mine recently caused me to look at my own life and come to several conclusions to some thoughts I have had in the past few years.
Questions I had I moved almost 3,000 miles from my family.. 
1.)  Am I where I should be in my life? 
Simple enough question ..yet not always an easy answer.  My answer now is "yes". 
Only due to the fact that i was here for my freind at her greatest time of need.  If nothing else but to let her know that she was indeed loved and that she had an impact on my life. Not that I was some saviour or anything so dynamical..but that I was just a friend who was here when she needed one at the right time and place. 
 Which brought me to my next question..
2.)  Are you aprreciative of the one you have chosen to be with  and happy/content with your relationship  ie: my husband?  The answer yes.  Sometimes just like a child when things are taken away..only then do you appreciate those things that you have had.  I know how quickly my freind had been taken. Which was within 3 months time..that that is how fast your entire life can change.  I looked closely at my relationship and knew with all of my heart and soul..this man was the one for me..he is the one I want by my side if ever I had to go through what my friend went through..   She even told me that in her hospital room after her cancer diagnosis.  She and I were talking..and she said to a nurse "She has a keeper..he is quite a man".. I agreed..I have a good one indeed.
I love him.
3.)  Do I have a purpose in Life?  Of course I do.. Just as my friend Cathy lived and died..she had a purpose.
She was here for her boyfriend and taught him and everyone around her about strength and love.  Like  a ray of sunshine..even on her darkest days as she struggled with the cancer and I am sure she felt like it was not she mentioned to me.. "I cannot believe this is happening to me"...just 12 days before her death...She was still concerned with everyone around her.  She still worried about my husbands work..and if we were doing okay..
That was beyond being strong in my eyes.  She was amazing.
She taught me that there are things that are truly important in this life...that we all have a purpose..and maybe we will not even know that purppose..but someone whom we have met..or shared our life with will know what it is..
That alone is a good thing.  Something each of us should carry in our hearts..Although we may have questions and that we may not know what it is we are meant to do in our lives..
The pieces of our life will fall  into place..
and it wil be there..
If not for you..for someone who knew of  you :)  And that is worth something.

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