Apr 25, 2011

Faith...
Is what you make it to be..
Simple prayer on bended knee.
Cries from the heart begging please,
Take away the hurt and miseries.

Faith...
Within your reach yet feels so far,
like a child wishing upon a star.
Whispers of hope, masked with fears,
Into our heavenly Fathers ears...

Faith....
Knowing your soul is drenched in love
Angel on your shoulder from high above,
Guide you and hold you when storms arise
Softening the pain and easing our cries.

Faith...
You never give up but,  remain steadfast and  strong,
With God on your side you will never be wrong.
You can fight any battle and befriend your enemies...
Because God has the power to calm the angriest of  seas.

Faith..
is as easy as wishing on a star....no matter where or who you are.

Tambra

babies..espec. grandbabies...amazing.

I am proudly expecting two new granbabies...in Sept. and in November.  My daughter Sarah and her husband are expecting a second child.  Her first will be two yrs old in Dec. alittle sweet boy Chet.  His sister will be here in mid to late Sept.  Im so happy for them all.  My daughter Danielle and her husband Terry are expecting a baby as well...her fourth child.  She also has a step daughter.  They have together one boy who is 9 yrs old..two girls 5 yrs old and a baby girl who will be 2 in Dec.  She is expecting a baby in Nov.  An early birthday present for me :) 
What is it about grandbabies..that can pull on the heart strings like nobody else.  One smile...or one hug and thats all you need.  They are so sweet they can bring tears at just one picture.  Believe me..I have ALOT of pictures :)  The toughest part is living so far from them all...Yet it also is one that makes you not take them for granted.  When i see them...its like heaven.  I look forward to the time we spend together. 
I have soon to be 10 grandchildren.  All children..grandchildren included..are like Gods blessings I think.  What else can it be?
I am so happy to have them all..and so fortunate .  
You don't know what real love is till you see a grandchild be born. 
That is love.  I can't even describe the depth of that sort of love. Its beyond anything I have ever experienced in my life...
Your own children...that is amazing..but when its your children..having children. IDK.  
AMAZING.

Evasive Summer

Summer.. you evade me for awhile
and I long for your touch
Warm sandy beaches ,
Bright sun that I love so much.

Summer full of lazy days
Hair caught in a gentle breeze..
I do not even seem to mind
The allergies that make me sneeze.

Summer nights and  morning glories,
Ice cold lemonade, a sit in the sun.
Children happy, that school is out,
Ballgames  + cookouts =  lotsa fun

Summer evasive as you may be
I just had to let you know..
I wish you could linger a little longer...
And delay the cold and the snow. 

True friendship

So it has been awhile but things are still just not right...


I think of you often..sometimes you are in my dreams at night.

I miss your smile and I miss your sunny ways...

I miss the way you made me laugh on dreary days.



I tried to sing a new song that reminded me of you,

I choked on the words that seemed so real and true..

I sat and watched the words in a blurr across a screen..

How many times upon your soft shoulder I count on to lean..



The wind beneath my wings was suddenly taken away

You were like the sun shining down on a gray cloudy day.

We talked about everything and when we laughed it was OH so good..

We talked bout being old ladies together..(and I always knew we would.)



The music is somehow not the same and it will take a bit..

It will take some time to find a way to make things somehow fit..

Into this puzzling life there are holes where you seemed to always be,

Im not sure how to fix it where for so long it seemed it was you and me.



We cried together..we sat in silence, But that was what good friends do..

Thoughts tangled in my head were not spoken but somehow you always knew.

With just a hug and your "I knooow"....Not just words but in fact true

I guess I wanted to tell you I think I'm okay, I know I will be, But my God Do I miss you.



I love you Cathy ( Louise).. You are gone, But not forgotten and forever in my heart.

Your friend..

ALWAYS

Tambra..(Thelma ) Ps. I still have that movie you bought for me.. Thelma and Louise. :)

What I want to be when I grow up....

More Random thoughts...
As always... I ponder what it is I want/should be doing in my life..  There are always good intentions and ideas flowing through my head.  I have really considered alot of things since the passing of my good friend, Cathy.  Thinking I should not be wasting time.  Time is too precious to waste.  I feel like so much of my time is wasted.. Not really wasted..I guess.. But not being productive enough as I know that I can be.   I have thoughts of writing a book.  I have alot to say.  :)  I write alot of poetry.  But I guess I want more than just that.  Then I think of my art...in the form of painting.  The earthquake in haiti has made me feel so inadequate...I sent a donation..but I still feel I could do so much more.  The question of course is what can I do?  There again alot of idea go through my head...but to put it actually into action is another thing altogether.  Maybe I am worried that it won't be good enough.  Or that maybe it might not get the results I hope for, so therefore I don't...? 
Who knows.  At least for now maybe by writing down these thoughts and the doubts and all that goes with accomplishing or the lack of..It may help?  Maybe.  :)
Anyhow..
Peace be with you and yours...
I hope that YOU find whatever it is you should be doing in your life..and that it makes you feel complete.
I hope for myself the same thing..
That I can figure out exactly what it is that "I want to be when I grow up."  

Sunshine on my shoulders...

Makes me happy......

Haiti

I am so sad for the people of Haiti..How devastating that must be..I cannot even begin to comprehend.
Sadness beyond words.

Head West Dear lady...

I am at the Columbus International Airport awaiting my flight to Pheonix then on to San Jose California.
I am sad to be leaving my family behind..we had an awesome Christmas however and for every day I was there with them..I am thankful.  I'll be back soon!  Spring time I am thinking...When the birds begin to sing and the snow has melted :)
I am excited to be traveling home (to my West Coast Home) with my husband, Charlie by my side.
Its nice to travel with someone ..its been awhile :)
Looking forward to getting home seeing some friends, I know I will miss my dear friend Cathy not being there to welcome me home with one of her BEAR hugs...But I'll be glad to see everyone else..and all of my sweet cats and kittens...and my dogs too.
Lots of things I am excited about..Taking better care of myself...being more active and alot more creative...working on the house...getting some things accomplished that have been on the back burner for way too long.
Charlies work is much better so I am hoping and praying that 2010 will be a very good year for us..and for our families.
Hope it brings about much happiness for all of my friends as well...and even those who are not my friends...wishing much goodness for you the new year.
Peace, love and happines...
to you all..
Tambra.

grand kids and snow cream

All I gotta say is...mmmm.. we made some snow angels..took some pictures..which I will post later :)
Gathered some fresh snow and then came in ...shook off some snow and made good ole' fashioned snow cream like my mama and daddy grew up on...and my grandma always made..alittle snow, a can of evaporated milk (carnation of course) a little vanilla and some sugar. ...let the grand daughters mix it up..and listen to them brag about how delicious it is :)
Life even in the cold snowiest of days...is delicious!  Now we are sitting around drinking hot tea and coffee..and enjoying the evening.
I love snow days :)

Purpose

So many things happen as one goes throughout life, that sometimes..no many times there are questions as to wether or not you are in the right place, doing the right thing or maybe not. 
Your head can be spinning with all the thoughts of "what ifs" that sometimes your path in life is simply not very clear.
Then there may be some small change...or even something quite dramatic that happens and the "fog" that surrounded your life suddenly lifts and the path is cleared.  You can begin to see the reason of your being.  The questions that you once had somehow fade and the pieces of lifes puzzle quietly settle into place.
    The death of a loved one can sometimes have that type of effect on our life.  They feel you heart and soul with so much emotion and sometimes stripping bear our own insecurities and feelings that we take a closer look at how we are living our life and what our purpose is in the "big picture" so to speak.

I know that losing a close friend of mine recently caused me to look at my own life and come to several conclusions to some thoughts I have had in the past few years.
Questions I had asked..as I moved almost 3,000 miles from my family.. 
1.)  Am I where I should be in my life? 
Simple enough question ..yet not always an easy answer.  My answer now is "yes". 
Only due to the fact that i was here for my freind at her greatest time of need.  If nothing else but to let her know that she was indeed loved and that she had an impact on my life. Not that I was some saviour or anything so dynamical..but that I was just a friend who was here when she needed one at the right time and place. 
 Which brought me to my next question..
2.)  Are you aprreciative of the one you have chosen to be with  and happy/content with your relationship  ie: my husband?  The answer yes.  Sometimes just like a child when things are taken away..only then do you appreciate those things that you have had.  I know how quickly my freind had been taken. Which was within 3 months time..that that is how fast your entire life can change.  I looked closely at my relationship and knew with all of my heart and soul..this man was the one for me..he is the one I want by my side if ever I had to go through what my friend went through..   She even told me that in her hospital room after her cancer diagnosis.  She and I were talking..and she said to a nurse "She has a keeper..he is quite a man".. I agreed..I have a good one indeed.
I love him.
3.)  Do I have a purpose in Life?  Of course I do.. Just as my friend Cathy lived and died..she had a purpose.
She was here for her boyfriend and taught him and everyone around her about strength and love.  Like  a ray of sunshine..even on her darkest days as she struggled with the cancer and I am sure she felt like it was not real..as she mentioned to me.. "I cannot believe this is happening to me"...just 12 days before her death...She was still concerned with everyone around her.  She still worried about my husbands work..and if we were doing okay..
That was beyond being strong in my eyes.  She was amazing.
She taught me that there are things that are truly important in this life...that we all have a purpose..and maybe we will not even know that purppose..but someone whom we have met..or shared our life with will know what it is..
That alone is a good thing.  Something each of us should carry in our hearts..Although we may have questions and that we may not know what it is we are meant to do in our lives..
The pieces of our life will fall  into place..
and it wil be there..
If not for you..for someone who knew of  you :)  And that is worth something.

countdown

Til I see my baby. I miss him so much.
Tomorrow by this time I should be with him...Im so excited..
We have known each other for 9 years...married for almost 8 and Im still so in love :)

Fish

Snow Snow Snow.

Sooo much snow here..
Its been awhile since I seen so much snow.  Today schools were either delayed or closed because the roads were so bad.
Its really beautiful if you don't have to drive in it..
I am waiting on my Charlie to come tomorrow! Yayyy!  I cannot wait. I hope he has a safe flight into Ohio. Going thru Phoenix so that should be okay..
I miss him.. I have been In Ohio since the 13th of Dec.  He will be here with me until Monday evening and then we fly home together ..I am happy happy! 
I feel like a little girl waiting on Santa Clause  (smile)  !
Counting down the hours till he gets here...
I sure do miss him.  SO MUCH!  Its always bittersweet ...leaving. I am anxious to get home and do the things one does at home.. yet leaving is always hard.  Too bad I can't clone me so I can be in both places..  Altho Charlie may have different thoughts on that idea...
lol.
Wherever you are today if you are in the snow and cold...be safe..drive carefully.. shovel a driveway or sweep snow for someone who can't?  Make a snowangel... bake cookies... share some :) with a friend or neighbor...check on someone who can't get out..make sure they are warm and healthy..and taken care of.

Take care of you and each other..
Lots of love and blessings your way
Tambra.

The Chosen

I stood by and watched you die
Why I was chosen I don't know why.
My heart breaks but yet it still does beat
I will see this through,  as a blessing complete.

This hurdle in life will/must make me strong
God knows why and He can't be wrong
Why my shoulders this sad task has been placed
Steady tears still fall but there is  no time to waste.

He wraps His arms around me ever so tight
And leads me through the darkest of night..
I know that alone He will never leave me..
He carries me down the paths that I cannot see..

He may choose you or I to ease anothers pain,
We may not understand or see what is to gain...
If one person you can help to lighten  heart or soul...
A chosen gift from God  that is worth more than gold.

Happy New Year.

Well...the year of 2009 was a great year in many ways..and ended sadly losing my best girl in Cali..Cathy. I miss you girl.
However the year 2010 started amazingly well.. First I spent it with family.  New Years Eve was spent in Ohio with my daughter Hollie, her hubby Jake and daughter Whitney,  My other daughter Sarah stopped in for a visit with her hubby Barry.  At Midnight a few phone calls to my sweet husband Charlie in Cali. and my parents to wish them a Happy New Year.  New Years day was spent with my sister Ginger and her family, at my parents for BBQ baby back Ribs dinner...green beans,  and  yummy saurkraut..and YES people really do eat saurkraut.. It supposedly brings you luck for New Years.and Im not taking any chances....
Charlie will be flying out here to spend  a few days here with me and my family..which I am THRILLED about.  Its been awhile since we had Ohio time...together.  My family is looking forward to it as well.  He doesn't get the chance to get away very often.  Work has been good lately so hopefully this is something that will continue for the New year as well.  God Knows HE deserves it..Hes a hard worker and so dedicated to his family..and to me...and to helping just about anyone that needs help. 
Hes a good man.
And...I am blessed.  :) in soo many ways.

Wishing you all a New Year..May it be prosperous and bring you lots of blessings, love and peace.
Tambra.

Mom, Dad & Merk

                                                                                                                                                         

Here I am...curled up on the bed, with a big fat grey OLD cat Merk, who is just as curled up on my right hip.  It's either there or on my shoulder..and hes no little guy.  Hes sweet. He has eyes like an owl...yellowish sort of eyes.  Hes a cuddler for sure.
I spent Christmas with my family here..and it was pretty awesome. So many here. Fifty-two here for dinner. Is that unbelievable?  Yet sooo wonderful!?  Yes..we are very blessed. 
My mother had breast cancer last year...she was quite sick...but Thankfully  (thank GOD) she is here..to share Christmas with all of us.. Dad too.  How is it possible for one family to be so blessed.  I have to say it again...(thank GOD) Thank you.
I am here with my grand kids..who are amazing too..another blessing.  My four beautiful daughters.  One of which I have yet to see..but hopefully soon.  I miss her too.
I came here a week before Christmas...and looking forward to the New Year..and hoping that my husband will soon be able to pry himself away from work to come spend a few days here with me and my most amazing family. 
I am so proud of them..and  so very proud of my husband too.  I guess I want to have everything....lol.
One of the toughest things ever is to have your heart in two places..as mine is.
So I spend alot of time traveling...and being in two places. 
But I have so much love, that part is easy :)
Things happen for a reason..and I know my reasons for being where I am..and for what I am doing.. My heart is at rest now I do believe.  Sometimes the answers to what you seek fall into your lap when you least expect or before you even ask... pretty awesome.

So..Do you know?  What are your reasons for being where YOU are in your life?
What is YOUR purpose?

My Gardener.

God is my gardener that watches over me every day...

Blessings that are so numerous and special in every way.

His love like the sun surrounds me and my sweet family.

I don't know where we'd be without our gardener to oversee.

He is my gardener that  guides us and keeps us well and fine...

His divine touch and love is now and forever mine.

When I think that maybe I am unworthy, sad or low

Once again He speaks to me and then my soul does glow.

It seems my prayers are many and sometimes I think unheard..

Then my gardener whispers in the breeze to tell me how absurd.

That the doubts I carry around are merely little seeds..

Planted by that evil satan, like gregarious strangling weeds.

But God is my gardener and He takes such loving care

Beautiful sunshine warms me in the crisp cold winter air.

He tends to my heart so lovingly with hands so sweet and strong.

In my garden of faith I am not without Him, Where I go He tags along.

Let me count my blessings..my gardener.I'll just start with Him.

He tends my soul and  keeps me in His arms,  safe and away from sin.

Thank You for all I have and for all the things I have yet to see.

Wherever you are my gardener, My Lord,  thats where I want to be.

SNOW ANGELS and OLD CAR HOODS

It's snowing today..big fluffy white flakes..so beautiful...as they drift down to the ground..  I love to watch it snow. I especially love it when i can sit in my PJ's inside and watch it snowing.  A cup of hot tea or hot cocoa..maybe some starbucks coffee...(christmas blend is nice).  mmmm yep I love the snow.
I remember when we were teens and we used an old car hood and an old refrigerator door as sleds. Dad  would put a big light up by the barn at the top of the hill and we would have hot cocoa and hot chili that mom made..  Tie a big rope on to the "sled" and down we go...flying to the bottom...and as we get to the bottom we would hit this little hill  that my brothers made for the dirt bikes in the summer.  The "sled" would be like air born...  We would see who could go the farthest. Some of them got pretty close to the creek.  One idiot boy tried to go down the hill..that we did NOT use for sledding right behind the house.  Full of bushes and trees..not cleared at all.  He used a regular wooden sled with those runers on it....As I recall he ended up getting 7 stitches in his behind. due to those metal runners....lol.  It was lots of fun watching him ride the bumpy school bus on Monday morning... (giggles)  
My boyfriend at the time, Butch, tried as well..going down head first on the same sled.  Such craziness ..lol.
He hit a tree.  Its a wonder he didn't end up like Sonny Bono...
Course this was long before Sonny. 
Yep those were the days.  I miss them.  Now we can just sled on our wii's ...or playstation..
Sighhh......
You can't make a snow angel on a wii tho..I don't think?  Or catch a snowflake on your tongue.
Unless they already came up with an idea for that too..
lol.
Oh well... tomorrow I think Ill go bowling.. with the grandkids. I hope I can handle that wii remote  (smile)
Soo.go ..catch a few snowflakes. Make a few snow angels, build an igloo ...or a snowman, maybe a snowball fight... :) Make some memories. Enjoy life,

You just might like it :)

Bittersweet

BittersweetShare


Sunday, December 6, 2009 at 8:23pm
Edit Note
Delete





I am sitting quietly trying not to think or be..

For the shadows of sadness are surrounding me.

If i am quiet and hold in the tears

Maybe the voice of God will calm my fears.



I stare into the stars and talk to the One up above

Maybe his voice will speak to me with kindness and love

To tell me why things happen that I don't understand.

I am reminded of the story of the footprints in the sand...



Bittersweet memories of my special loving friend,

In an instant one is born and in an instant it can end..

Sadness overwhelms me and it seems I cannot breathe.

For the inevitable future holds things I simply can't percieve...



I feel hopelessness and an emptiness that lingers in my heart

A hollow space that you once filled as you did right from the start

Bittersweet memories I cling to as I watch you and hold your hand..

Precious moments I cherish, yet for an answer "why?" I still demand.



I close my eyes and then I dream I can calm your labored breath

That maybe I can stave off this angel of darkness whom we call death..

I can call for a miracle to lift this shadow and trade all the bad for good,

Fill your life with light and love where the dark angel recently stood..



Although in reality I know all I can do is sit by your side and pray

That your life is in His hands and that He will hold you in every way.

That he comforts you and loves you and I know this much is true.

Due to God's bittersweet miracle...you are in my life and I love you.



I love you Cathy.. and I miss all the laughs and the tears and the hugs.

My heart just aches at the thought of you not being here..but yet I know that God

Must have needed some of your brilliant sunshine and laughter and love near Him.

That comforts me.

Knowing that you will be there to comfort Him.

I am going to Hawaii one day soon I hope....and I'm still taking you with me ..if only in my heart. Its on my "to do list". I will write your name in the sand in the biggest letters that I can.

Missing You.

I wrote this last night about two hours before Cathy passed away quietly in her sleep. I woke up to the sound of rain at 5 am. thinking that God was crying..I woke up and looked out the window and seen Michael on the porch...and the lights on. He came over to tell me the news that Cathy had passed away at 2 a.m. Now I know that God was indeed crying. Maybe they were tears of joy for the sunshine that she was bringing to Him...or maybe he was crying because he knew he needed her yet He knew how much we all would miss her..either way.. later the sun came out. We had always planned a trip to Hawaii..Like a childhood dream...and I am most positive that she had a "layover" or maybe insisted that God stop off at Hawaii...and that she sent a bit of sunshine after the rain..to let us know...she made it.


:) Yes Cathy..Im jealous. :) Hope it was everything you expected and more. I love you. Say hello to your family that is waiting to welcome you home.

This poem..was wrote late at night..and it was just random thoughts..sometimes sad, scared and funny..like our friendship at times.

RIP. Cathy Michael Dec.7, 2009



Missing You.



People around me see the outside as i smile and bury my fear

And the sadness engulfs me as death lingers ever so near.

I function and I live and for all eyes I seem to get by

while on the inside I am drowning and I cry and I cry.



Im scared as I watch my lovely friend slowly slip away

I know in my heart that it could be just any day.

till she closes her eyes and she will suffer no more...

No more tears, no more pain as she enters Gods door.



I miss her already and it just doesn't seem fair

Such a good gentle person who always was there

I cannot imagine her just being nowhere near

To share laughter and thoughts, heartache and tears

We could be oh so close and so honest its true

Share all our worries and what made us blue

So many unfinished plans did we have in store..

Road trips and ocean trips..or trips to the store.



..

Wal Mart was often a high light of our week

Shop, Dance or sing till we were too tired to speak

Complain the next day about being old and weak..eh, well,,

Karaoke at Johnnys....was not for the meek.



Seems we had just reached that content place you see

when it was taken like that..from her..and from me.

I can't tell you why and I can't take away the sadness

If i dwelled on it too long..im sure it'd bring madness.



Instead I am grateful for the time wh have shared..

I am thankful for her friendship and for me she cared.

So I'll take that and run with it wherever I go...

My sweet Friend Cathy..I wil always love you so.